Ode to Local Sluts

The same ad appears daily
in my spam file Local Sluts.
It says, Free access to local sluts.

On the one hand
it’s nice that they are
local and that folks
won’t have to tangle
with the morning rush
or freeway traffic jams,

nice that the complexity
of meaningful relationships
will be simplified, as I assume
people that are local
are familiar, easy to understand.

I imagine a gathering
right here in my neighborhood,
presided over by a young man covered in chains,
his gold teeth caps shining in the morning sun.
He explains that neighborhood schools, libraries,
shopping malls, banks and dentists offices
are opening their doors to welcome
local sluts as part of our community.

Can GPS or Siri locate these people?
Local or not I am worried about them.
I would like to buy them a meal and talk.

But I have reliable information that
Local Sluts operates out of Nigeria.
Local, it seems, refers to the world
made small by fiber optics,
and I should probably search
closer to home for souls to save.